Not again
by promise.in.the.daark
Summary: It has been three years after Edward leaves in New Moon, and Bella hasn't quite adjusted to his absence. Jacob is her only alternative for happiness, but when Bella finally chooses who to spend her life with, she is reunited with a daunting memory.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: Okay, so basically Edward leaves Bella in the forest in New Moon, but instead of trying to act normal for Charlie, Bella goes into serious depression. Gradually she begins to unfold, what with Jacob being around, but even he can't ease her pain. Bella can only choose how she wants the rest of her life to turn out....but that is one difficult choice to make.**_  
_(Bare with me, chapters will be kind slow, but I'll be working hard on them. Hope you enjoy :D)_

* * *

When all hope seizes to prevail, you have no choice but to find some sort of courage and try to be happy again.

At least that is what I've been trying to convince myself for so long. I knew I would never get over this ache, but I wanted to live and forget about him somehow. No. Not forget, but keep him somewhere safe in my heart where he will always remain. Just for me to fantasize over in my time of need.

I wasn't angry with any of them for leaving me in Forks, but I was however disappointed that the last words he left me with was, _It will be as if I never existed._ What a ridiculous concept, as if I could live in a world where he was forbidden from. Did he really expect me to live on with my human life like it hadn't been touched by an angel? I refused to live by his words. He did exist, and the precious moments I spent with him and his family, was the best time of my life.

But tonight was going to be different.

I was determined not to think about them. I had promised Jacob that much, and he deserved his happiness too.

Jacob had been fairly lenient towards my slow progress with overcoming my fears. Instead of being cocky about their departure, he surprised me. He was right there, by my side, hovering over me like my own personal protector. It was wrong to keep him, knowing that I didn't feel as strongly about him as he did for me, but I couldn't find the strength to let him go.

Tonight was prom for the excited teens of Forks High. I was taking Jacob.

Jessica and Angela took me to Port Angele's for a dress hunt, but in truth I really needed advice from my best friend Alice. I missed her sense of fashion, and pitifully, I missed how she used to fancy me up until I looked as beautiful as a vampire. Well, not even close, but I liked to think of it that way. It just wasn't the same, but I ended up choosing a blue cobalt, satin garment that attached around my neck and flowed freely just above me knee's.

I sat at my bathroom mirror for an hour, deciding what I could possibly do with my hair. Three taps at the door broke my concentration.

"Hey sweetie, it's me." Renee called softly.

Renee had insisted that she should be here when I left with Jacob to the venue. Apparently it was a tradition that both parents should be there to witness their child's moment as they left hand in hand. She flew up with Phil about a week ago, and she's been planning this day ever since. It was completely ridiculous if you asked me.

"Come in."

"Jacob will be here in an hour." She informed me, and came over to run her fingers through my hair.

I sighed. "I think I need a mother's advice." I admitted shamefully.

She smiled at me, and began twisting my and curling my hair in her hands, her lips pursed.

"Nothing too crazy now." I cautioned.

"Of course not." And then she got to work. Pulling and tugging, and curling the strands of my hair. I was a little bit afraid about the end result, but she looked like she knew what she was doing, so I let her take control.

When she was done she moved onto my makeup which I neglected to do, since I didn't have Alice's assistance, and because I wasn't a big fan of facial product. I sat silent as she smudged stuff onto my face. I was hoping I didn't turn out looking like a clown, but I was surprised yet again.

"All done." She spoke, moving a side to reveal the mirror. She analyzed my face and by the spreading smile forming on her lips, she could tell I was awe-struck.

I couldn't believe it was me in the reflection. I had no idea my mom had this kind of talent in her. She didn't go overboard with anything at all, but instead she kept it natural. My complexion looked spontaneously smooth and clear, instead of the ghostly complexion I dreaded. My eyes were dark and mysterious, lips soft and plump. I marveled at my hair, and loved the new look. She had tied half of my hair up, and let the rest cascade down over my shoulders.

"Wow, mom. You shouldn't have." I teased, playing with a piece of my hair.

She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and kissed my head. "You're absolutely beautiful."

"Thanks." I blushed.

She kissed my forehead again and placed both her hands on my face, forcing me to look into her eyes. I tried to smile.

"Listen Bella. I want you to just let go of the past for now and just have fun. I don't want you to have any regrets tonight, I just...want you to live." Her voice was soft, but her eyes were serious.

"That's a lot to ask of me." I murmured.

She hugged me close for a moment, and then pulled back. "Just try." She whispered, and crept back out the door.

I let out a huge sigh, and stared at myself. Renee wasn't fooled. She could see past the calm face I tried to put on, and all she wanted was for me to be happy. Tonight of all nights. I could tell Charlie wanted the same thing. Maybe they were getting sick of my glum mood.

I stood and opened the mirror cabinet, contemplating my next move. The bright orange tablet bottle stood out more than anything, and I scowled at the print with my name. Who would have thought that I would end up needing pills to ease my own pain. It was degrading, and I hated myself for letting it come to this. I took the bottle with shaky fingers, pursing my lips.

_It will help you._ The noble part of me concluded.

I shook my head, and shoved the bottle back into the cupboard. I slammed the door so it wouldn't taunt me again. I glanced at the mirror briefly.

"Gahh!" I bellowed, my hand flying to my heart. Charlie stood behind me with a disapproving expression. I whirled around to face him, my head spinning. "You scared me."

He continued to gaze at me with the same look that had me cowering.

"You're not taking your pills, Bella?" He whispered, anxiously. I could see his eyes revolve into panic.

I dropped my head, definitely guilty. "I.....I don't want to feel numb tonight." I spoke in a low voice, wishing that he would stop looking at me like I was a criminal.

"Bella...." He groaned.

"Dad. How can you expect me to move on with my life if you have me on this stupid medication? It doesn't cure me of anything, it's just making it harder for me to-" I broke off, feeling the frustration clouding over. I took a deep breath, and started again. "Listen, I just want to enjoy myself. Can't I at least have that privilege?"

I stared at him helplessly while he thought for a while. Downstairs, the doorbell rang. My heart accelerated.

Charlie finally smiled and came over to wrap his arm around my waist. "I love you, Bella."

"Love you too."

_**Hope you liked the first chapter. Stay tuned, I'm sure you'll like the rest :P..**_


	2. Chapter 2

Mom had sneakily placed a pair of silver ballet flats on my bed, but I was thankful. Alice would have given me heels.

I threw on a white cardigan and grabbed my hand bag before heading for the stairs. I could hear Jacobs husky voice talking to my dad, making me suddenly nervous. I hadn't done anything like this with Jake before, and it was like I had asked him out on a date instead of just prom. But we were friends, that's all I needed from him.

I took a deep breath, readying myself. When I appeared at the top of the staircase, the creak underneath my foot alerted everyone, and they all stared at me. Phil had mom by the waist, while she held Charlies hand. It looked as though she was about to start crying. This was what I was trying to avoid. Attention.

Jacob was unexpectedly handsome. His hair was smoothed back and tied into ponytail. He must have burrowed the tux, because I knew for a fact that he didn't own one in the past. His eyes were soft and warm, and suddenly I yearned for the comfort of his bizarre heat.

Jacob took a stride forward and offered me his hand. "You look very, _very_ nice." He whispered into my ear.

I had to suppress a laugh. "And you scrub up well, don't you?"

We turned to face my parents. Charlie was still smiling, but his eyes were tight. Renee stepped up to hug us both, and kissed my cheek. "You both look incredible."

"Of course." Phil agreed, hugging me too.

"Picture time!" Charlie exclaimed, pulling out a camera from his pocket. I groaned, but Jacob didn't seem to mind. He pulled me close and wrapped his arms around my waist. I placed my hands on his chest and tried to force a genuine smile.

Charlie flashed the camera. "Nice." He commented.

"My turn!." Renee squealed, hoping in between me and Jake. The camera flashed again.

Phil took his turn, and then Charlie. Jacob took a family one of us after that.

"Okay, that's enough." I huffed, taking Jake's hand. I pulled him toward the door.

"You have fun sweetie." Mom called, tagging along as we made our way to Jacobs Rabbit.

"I will." I replied. Jacob opened the door, and lifted me in with one hand. He went around to the drivers side while I waved back at my family. They continued to wave as we pulled out and headed down the road.

"That was horrible." I complained, finally letting myself relax. "I really needed to get out of there."

"Glad to be in service." He mused.

"A limo would have sufficed." I grudged, pretending to be disgusted with the rusted metal of his vehicle.

He glanced side ways at me, and saw the mockery on my face. "Real funny."

I let out a laugh and jabbed his arm with my elbow. "I don't mind Jake. I don't need a fanfare."

He sighed in relief. "Well that's good, cause a limo was way out of my league."

I leaned against his shoulder, fiddling with the hem of my dress. He pressed his cheek against my head. "Thanks for doing this with me, Jake."

"I know why you're doing this, Bella. You want to satisfy your parents, to show them you can be normal."

It was funny because that was why I was doing this. If my parents really believed that I was well and healthy, then I wouldn't be caught dead at prom. This had to ease their worries a little bit. I really wanted to stop being babied.

"I know." I whispered softly.

"You can be normal, Bella. With me."

I sat up abruptly. glaring at his composed face. "So I'm not normal without you? Is that it?"

His eyes widened. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Whatever." I muttered and faced away from him, glaring at the downpour outside the window.

It wasn't the first time he had insisted to take matters further. I was sure I made it clear that he was only my friend, best friend at that. What was so hard to understand? Why couldn't he just accept my feelings and move on. I was about to ridicule him of just that, but my mouth snapped shut. What kind of person would I be if I told my best friend to shove off and stop loving me? I knew the exact words that would spill through his lips if I had. _"Well why don't you accept _his_ feelings and move on, Bella!"_ Yes, that's exactly the sort of thing Jacob would say back to me, and I wasn't going to give him that chance.

I felt his hand grasp mine, but it was too late to turn to him because a tear had escaped the corner of my eye.

"Your such a cry baby." He mused, squeezing my hand. It was so warm.

I let out a small chuckle that burned my throat on the way out. "I'm sorry. I guess I'm just nervous, that's all."

"What's there to be worried about?" He asked curiously. "I'm here, and I won't let anything happen to you."

"I know that, Jacob. But its _prom_." I gasped the last word.

He laughed, and the sound of it comforted me a little. "Well you're in for a ride, because we're here."

Jacob managed to find a vacant parking spot, and then he helped me out of the car. The school hall was booming with loud music, and students were filing through the double doors.

"Lets do this." I spoke with false enthusiasm, which Jake picked up on and laughed.

He put his arm around my shoulders and gently kissed my forehead. "Lets do this."

It was just how I imagined. Painfully dreadful.

Multi-colored lights were flashing around the room that was no bigger than my backyard. Streamers and balloons hung from the ceiling, and individual tables were set up with food and drinks on them. There was a small amount of space for both the dance floor and stage, where an anonymous band was playing a rock ballad which had couples jumping up and down to the beat.

He towed me over to an empty table, and we took our place. I wondered what we looked like from afar. A pair going to the school prom? I knew the whole friend act didn't fool anybody, but all I needed to know was that Jacob was only my friend.

"Bella!" A voice exclaimed. Jessica and Angela were waving frantically from the dance floor. Mike and Ben-their dates-were too busy admiring the blasting music. They came rushing over to us with linked arms.

"Hey. You both look great." I complimented, and they did. Jessica wore a stunning pink strapless dress that hugged every line of her body perfectly, and Angela looked fabulous in her light blue dress that flowed around her ankles.

"You to." Angela replied.

Jessica eyed Jacob for a long moment, and then gave me a sly smile. "Is this your friend from La Push? Jason, right?"

"Jacob." I corrected.

He smiled and offered his hand. "Nice to meet you both."

For some uncanny reason, Jessica blushed and felt the need to look away. I hope she wasn't developing feelings for Jake. I knew I wasn't romantically bounded with him, but he was my date after all.

I cleared my throat, hoping to break the tension. "So I wonder who's going to be voted prom king and queen."

Jessica's eyes lit up. "Speaking of king and queen, guess who got nominated?"

I rolled my eyes. "You and Mike of course."

"And you." Angela added sheepishly.

I felt my mouth drop wide open. My heart reacted to her words in an unnatural way. "You've got to be joking!"

She shook her head. "It's true Bella. I'm on the committee, and when I found out that you were nominated, I was ecstatic." She glanced at Jacob quickly, and then back to me. "Though, I wish we had of known you were coming with...."

"Oh no," Jake interrupted with a smirk. "Prom King is way too cheesy for me."

We all laughed. Mike and Ben came over when the rock jam had finished and a female replaced them with a slow tune. Couples began to settle down. The guys wrapped their arms around their dates waist, holding them close. Ben took Angela's hand and began to lead her towards the soft music.

"Well uh, I guess I'll see you afterwards." She blushed, and followed Ben.

Mike sat at our table watching me shrewdly. I tried to ignore him, wishing he would just ask Jessica to dance already. Jessica sighed in frustration. I guess she was wishing the same thing.

"Dance with me." Jacob unexpectedly whispered in my ear.

I turned to face him with wide eyes. If he knew me at all, he would know that dancing was a really bad idea. I scrutinized his face searching for any sign of sarcasm, but he was completely serene. A small smile on his lips.

I just nodded, not really sure what I was doing. His smile grew bigger, brightening his features just a little bit more. He took my hand and led me to where everyone swayed and twirled gently. I had to admit, the girl singing was amazingly talented. Her voice went along with the melody, like a tender breeze of the wind.

Once we were in the midst of the huddle, he pulled me into his arms. I wrapped my fingers around his neck, gazing at him cautiously. We swayed from side to side while others did elegant twists and bends. It didn't trouble me that we weren't as fluid as everyone else, and Jacob seemed just as content as I was. But being here with him just bought back old memories that I didn't want to remember. Especially not tonight. Maybe it would be better if I had taken the pills. I leaned my head against his chest and sighed.

"What's wrong?" He asked, stroking his fingers through my hair.

"I don't know how long I can keep this up." I admitted, closing my eyes. I could hear every beat of his warm heart. It was like listening to a different kind of song that only I was familiar with.

He kissed the top of my head and I looked up at him. His eyebrows furrowed in concern and he touched my cheek, collecting a tear. His expression twisted into pain, causing my heart to accelerate. I was hurting him too much.

"I'm sorry Jake. Please, don't be upset. I'll try to behave." I quickly apologized. "I promise...."

"Promise what?"

I shook my head, not wanting to continue on. Was I ready to make this decision? Perhaps I could deal with whatever pain this bought me later on, if I just let go. I had to make him happy somehow. I can't keep turning my back on him.

Slowly and hesitantly, I stretched on my toes so that I could reach his lips. His breathing was erratic. My hand was placed over his heart, and I could feel it pumping wildly as I edged closer to him. This was it.....

"Bella." He whispered my name. His tone was husky with some emotion in it that I could only guess was denial. My eyelids fluttered open, and I was staring into his dark eyes. "Bella, I don't think we should do this now."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "What?"

I stepped away from him, staring at him like he had gone utterly mad. He gazed back, but not with the same intensity. His face was contorted in pain, but now that I really focused on his features, I could tell that his pain wasn't because I was hurting him.

"I just think you need time Bella." He murmured, taking a step toward me.

The feeling of major rejection washed over me like a tidal wave, sweeping me off the ground and sending me into a miserable vortex. He was giving me time? I couldn't understand why his rebuff stunned me so hard that I could barely breath. I thought I was giving him what he wanted. But I guess I was wrong. Totally and completely wrong.

I wasn't in control of the words that came out of my mouth next. It punched the hole inside my chest even bigger. "You....don't....want me?" Deja-vu much? I couldn't help but saying them out loud. They were the only words that made sense to me at the moment, but getting them out into the open made my head swirl.

Jacob seemed to be in as much pain as I was. He stared at me helplessly, not sure whether his next move would send me flying out the doors. "I love you so much Bella. More than you know." He took another careful step toward me and reached for my hand. I was too numb to move away, so I let him take me in his arms. "You're in a contradiction, Bells. You want me because you want to get over that leech-" He broke off suddenly, feeling my body freeze automatically. "I love you that much because I want to make sure that you are completely over him. So when you come to me, you'll love me for me. Not because your trying to be strong and conquer your remaining feelings, but because you actually do love me. Jacob Black."

His words swirled around in my head, refusing me to make meaning of their objective. I knew I would've crumpled to the floor if he wasn't holding me up. The song ended softly, and everybody started to clap.

Principle Greene walked up to the microphone. "Attention please." He ordered. All the noise seemed to dull down, but there was a constant ringing in my ears. "I am proud to announce that this years prom has been very successful. Everyone looks absolutely spectacular, and I want to take this time to thank a few staff, and students."

There was a low groan from the audience as he began a long list of thank-you's. I ignored them, and tried to look into Jacobs eyes. He was staring toward the double doors, his face suddenly livid.

It wasn't long before I knew that I couldn't stand being here anymore. The dim lights were giving me a headache, and standing in Jake's arms after he had just rejected me, was beginning to be consuming.

Principle Greene moved onto a different subject, but I was in too much pain to understand what he was talking about. If _he_ didn't want me, and Jacob didn't want me, then who was left that I could go to.

"I have to go." I said, shrugging out of his arms. I made my way back to the table to grab my purse and headed toward the exit. I paused when I was at the door, turning back towards the crowd. All I could see was Jacob, still glaring and looking like he was about to explode any minute. His whole frame was quivering. I thought about going back to him, calm him somehow from turning into a werewolf in front of all my friends. Possibly hurting all of them in the process. But I couldn't. I had no will left in me to do that.

I turned back to open the door.

"And the prom queen is........Isabella Swan!"

_**Review much?**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: Lol so I'm really just making this up on the spot. I'm not sure if it's `fanfiction material` but I'll let you all be the judge of that. So yes Jacob has taken Bella to **_**another_ school prom, which she is only attending to please her parents to show that she can act normal. Jacob has rejected Bella-which unexpectedly came to mind, but I do have twist for why he's acting so strangely toward the end-so she feels so unwanted that she nearly storms out to leave when suddenly, she wins prom queen. Naww, bet she wasn't expecting that. She also doesn't expect what is coming up next...._**

* * *

"Me?" I wondered idiotically.

"Bella you won!" Angela shouted from the crowd.

Suddenly the spotlight was above my head and all the attention turned to where I was standing. Jessica didn't look so excited, and the look that Lauren was giving me said that she was also a nominee.

I stood motionless with one hand on the door. My only instinct was to bolt.

"Well come on up, Ms Swan." Principle Greene urged me.

When it finally sunk in that he was calling my name, and that _I_ had actually one prom queen, I slowly made my way up to the stage. All eyes on me, but I was trying to avoid that. My heart was racing one hundred miles per hour as I stepped next to the principle and received the infamous diamond crown, which nearly every girl here was dying to be awarded with. So why did it have to be me?

"Congratulations!" Greene applauded. "Is there anything you'd like to say?"

Blood rushed up to flood my face a devastating red. He held the microphone under my chin. "Uh..." My eyes scanned the crowd. There was only one person I wanted to share this moment with, but he was nowhere in the horde. Mike looked like an enthusiastic puppy. I was certain he was wishing that he could be elected as King. I cringed at that idea. "Well, I guess I'm speechless. Thank you for voting for me?" I was so nervous that it came out like a question. All I wanted to do now was to find Jacob and go home.

Everyone clapped. Principle Greene got ready to announce the Prom King so I stood aside, still searching for my friend.

"Okay jocks, now I know you've been waiting for this moment. So the prom king is...."

I could feel the tension build as the principle prolonged the moment to announce the lucky guy. I was too preoccupied to be dreading about Mike's name being called out. Jacob was still nowhere in sight.

"Edward Cullen?"

There was a loud gasp from the audience as the one and only name that sent me in the state depression was read out. I could have broke down right there and then, but I knew it was just a big mistake. I took a deep breath, and tried to explain.

"I think there might be a misunderstanding, sir." I murmured quietly for only him to hear.

"I don't think so Ms Swan, it says his name right here." He showed me the card, and sure enough, Edward Cullen was printed in big bold letters.

I shook my head, as if to clear it. My air was coming out in ragged breathes. I needed to find Jake and get of here before I could make a complete fool of myself. But then there was another unexpected gasp from the crowd, and I looked up to see what was so interesting to them.....

And then I knew......it was all a dream.

Because standing at the very back of the hall was the most beautiful thing my eyes had ever seen in over three years. He stood motionless in his sheer golden perfection that my mind could never adjust to, but even in my dreams, he seemed so real and vivid. Yes he was my dream, but my very nightmare also, for I knew that once I was thrown back into reality he would vanish and I would try so hard to hold on to that dream, that he would become my nightmare again. Just a reminder of what I couldn't have.

But there he was; bronze hair, pale skin, flawless features and those mesmerable amber eyes. I just stared at him, my eyes roaming every part of his body, keeping this image safe in my heart where nobody could take it from me. And then once I was done, this sudden urge to want to touch him-just so I knew that he was indeed real-hit me. I had to know that he was here, in the very same room as me, to prove that I wasn't dreaming.

Then almost like he heard what I was thinking, he gradually made his way forward keeping his eyes on me. Everyone parted, creating a walkway to the stage. The way he moved was so graceful and refined. Each movement was linked with gentleness.

Once he ascended the stairs he moved even slower toward me. I just couldn't rip my eyes away from his, it was impossible. They were scorching with such intensity that it reminded me of how he used to stare at me when I thought he loved me. _Loved_. The pretense stabbed at me in unfamiliar ways.

And then he was standing right in front me. So close that I could smell his lovely scent, so close that I could taste him.....so close that my heart was pounding against my ribcage, very alive and well, though not entirely healed.

He looked away for a second, nodded, and then turned his gaze back to me. A soft melody began to wave its way around the room. Edward smiled, knocking the breath right out of me, then took my little finger in his palm. He hesitated just a little, letting me adjust to the icy touch and his proximity. I was way past noticing the gleaming eyes watching us. I couldn't quite care, because Edward-the one person that forever held my heart-was with me, and that's all that mattered at the moment.

He led the way to the middle of the crowd and then placed one hand on my waist. I immediately closed the distance between us by throwing my arms around his neck, and hugging him to me. No, I was never going to let go of him. There was no way I could let myself watch him leave me behind again. I couldn't take it, I wouldn't survive.

There were a million questions I wanted to ask him, but the music drowned it out for now. This was the only moment I wanted to last for eternity. I was in his arms, and we began to sway to the music. Soon a few couples began to join us.

I closed my eyes.

"Bella?" He murmured quietly. His voice shocked me. I was surprised that I had forgotten the gentle sound of it. It was like meeting him all over again, but still, it was the most magnificent sound in my world.

"Yes?" I replied hoarsely. My voice shook with nerves. He leaned down and I could feel his breath on my skin. It was so sweet that I subconsciously leaned toward him.

"Please open your eyes."

So I did. My air cut short as I stared up into his amazing eyes. They were so warm that I completely forgot about his freezing temperature.

"There they are." He smiled, lifting his hand up to brush a strand of hair from my cheek. "Soft and brown. There the only eyes I can look into and see their true soul. I've missed them so much."

I was speechless. A tear escaped, but that's all I allowed. I forced myself not to go into hysterics in front of him, not now. This moment was too imperative to waste on crying.

Wary, I placed one shaky hand on his cheek and he sighed, leaning into my palm. "Oh, Edward." I whispered.

He closed his eyes and turned his head so that he could kiss my wrist. "Not now, Bella. Just let us have this one moment."

My heart went in to full hyper mode. Did that mean we only had this last memory before he vanished again? I locked my fingers around his neck, refusing to let go no matter what. He opened his eyes with a sudden amusement, and smiled gently.

"Shh. Please don't panic, I'll explain everything later." He assured me, but I was still doubtful. I held on firmly.

_**TWIST! TWIST! lols, not sure if you'll like it. But review anyways XD**_


	4. Chapter 4

The song seemed to last for hours.

I hadn't spoken a word since he told me not to, and I was perfectly content to just be in his arms. I was desperately waiting for my answers, for the truth. But did I really want to know the truth? What if it wasn't what I wanted to hear? What if his little visit was only temporary?

My heart was beating in a steady pace for the moment, but I wasn't sure how long it could keep it up.

"C'mon Bella. It's time to go." A familiar voice told me. His tone was urgent and restrained. It reminded me of Jacob.

Jacob! Of course!

I whirled around and sure enough my tower of a friend Jacob was standing there, glaring straight past me. "Oh Jake! I was looking for you."

"Well you obviously weren't searching hard enough. Lets go." He placed a hard hand on my shoulder. And then I realized what was happening. He was trying to take me away from Edward.

"No!" I very nearly screeched. I flung my arms around Edward instinctively. Edward tightened his grip around my waist."Go away!"

His nostrils flared, his eyes widened. He was trembling with so much anger that it scared me. "Bella! I just called Charlie, and he wants you back at the house."

I shook my head, refusing to hear him anymore. After all I'd been through, he was just going to take me away from everything I'd been missing. Everything that I had lost, and now have found, he was going to make me lose it again? How could he attempt to do that to me?

Cold hands touched mine. "I think you should go with Jacob, Bella." I looked up in painful shock. Edward unlocked my hands from around his neck.

"No-" My voice shook with tears. "What are you saying?"

His eyes were still liquid as he stared into mine. He reached up to stroke my cheek softly. "Don't worry, I won't be far. I promise."

"Promises mean nothing, Edward! I'm not so stupid now that I know not to believe them." I was on the edge of losing it. I have lived for so long without any explanations, reasons. What a fool to think that he was going to just leave without telling me what I needed to know. He was not phased by my sudden outburst. His calm face just watched me while my breathing slowed and my heart cooled down. Once I knew I was in control of myself, I clutched at his shirt. "I know I'm not what you would've expected from me, but I need to know. I couldn't bare it if you leave again, but maybe if you gave me something that I could reason with, just maybe, I can try to survive."

I looked into his eyes and all of a sudden I saw panic and anxiety. His lips tightened into a hard line, and then suddenly, he scooped me up into his arms and crushed me against his chest. The unexpected action took me by surprise, and I found myself blubbering into his shirt.

"It's okay, Bella. Please, just go with Jacob and I'll explain the rest to you soon. I won't go anywhere without giving you what you truly need." His voice was strong and confident. I knew I should be able to trust him, but some part of me was preparing itself for his disappearance.

After a while I gained control and let go of him. He bent down and kissed me on the cheek and then brushed his lips against my ear. "I _swear_ that I'll return for you."

Jacob took my hand and began pulling me away from Edward. I stared back at him in despair, wishing for the comfort of his arms. I disparately wanted to tell him I loved him, but before my lips could frame the words, we were outside in the cold.

Jacob got me into the Rabbit before I could get into a real convulsion. He quickly turned the heater on and hastily backed out of the parking lot. The school was still alive and buzzing with people. I wondered what it would be like to just be normal, and have fun with my friends.

A low growl rumbled deep inside Jacobs chest. "Damn that bloodsucker!" His fist slammed against the steering wheel.

I brusquely turned on him. "What's the matter with you?" I bellowed.

"Whats the matter with me?" I said, incredulously. "I can't believe you would let him hold you like that! Like he had never hurt you in the first place. Don't you remember what he did to you Bella? He got you hooked on those stupid pills of yours, and now your just willing to take him back?"

I gritted my teeth. "He did _not_ put me on those pills, Jacob Black, it was my parents decision to help me live a healthier life."

"There drugs! Look what they've done to you, _he's_ done to you. You can hardly live a second without falling into pieces!"

Every cell in my body seemed to be throbbing. His words stung me hard. What had become of my dependable friend? Jacob wasn't nearly as hurtful as he'd been to me tonight. Why was tonight any different? Oh right, because Edward Cullen had impulsively returned in the middle of prom, claiming the title as prom king. Had he rigged the cards so his name could be called out? It wasn't so much like a fairytale, but not far off. My prince had come to rescue me; a broken, emaciated girl who couldn't find the purpose of the word life.

_What pathetic sight to come home to._ I thought miserably. _I wonder what he must think of me now._

I stared out the window. It was too dark to see anything, so I pictured his face. I studied every single gorgeous feature and focused on it. The angle of his jaw, the straight line of his nose, the volume in his hair. Everything about him was so fascinating. It was like seeing him anew through brand new eyes. The moment I saw him at the back of the room, my eyes had adjusted in advance. I could see beauty that I forgot existed. Like I was back to being my normal self but with a few amendments.

Jacob sighed in frustration, breaking my concentration. He was driving close to 150 mph, but I was in too much of a daze to tell him off.

"I thought you wanted me to be happy?" I whispered softly, staring at my knees. "If Edward makes you that mad, after over three years, how can you possibly expect me to be happy?"

It was silent as I waited for him to respond, and after a few minutes he still didn't bother to reply. I looked up at his face but he was staring straight ahead, his eyes like stone. We were rounding the corner to Charlie's house, so he slowed down.

I got out once he stopped. I didn't expect him to come with me.

"You should go home, Jake. Thanks for the ride, and.....taking me to the prom." I wrapped my arms around myself to keep warm and began up the pathway. Jacob was suddenly by my side. He kept so close that I didn't need my arms as warmth.

I gazed up at him questioningly. His eyes darted around at the empty forest, vicious and cautious. Was he searchinf for signs of vampires? I shook my head and let him lead me to the front door.

Before I could open it, Charlie burst out and grabbed me into a firm hug. "Oh Bella! You're okay!" He said in relief.

"Of course dad, why wouldn't I be?" I was a little puzzled. I pulled back to read his face. "Whats wrong?"

He rushed me inside and into the lounge. Jacob followed shortly, but I was sure I heard a lock shut.

Charlie sat me down. "Do you need your tablets Bella?" He asked anxiously.

I stared at him in shock. "No. I don't understand...."

"Jacob called and told me what happened Bella, and I refuse to let him come within a mile of you. Who does he think he is?" Charlie's face glowed a bright red as he thought about Edward and his closeness at prom. I fought hard to hold back the tears, but I wasn' even strong enough to do that.

I stood up abruptly. "Who do you think _you_ are!" I shouted, jerking a finger at Charlie's surprised face. "You have no right at all to tell me who I can and cannot see. Especially if the one person who you deny is the only one that has kept me alive!" Jacob came over to me and opened his arms. I shoved him away. I looked him straight in the eye. "And don't you start to feel remorse, because I will never forget what you did. When I finally thought I could hand myself over to you, you blandly reject! Even though it was what you wanted, to keep me!"

I struck a cord there. They both stared at me helplessly, or so they thought I was speaking subconsciously. They didn't think I was making the right decision for myself. Well they had another thing coming.

"Where's Renee?" I huffed, plopping onto the sofa.

"She took off somewhere when I told her you were coming home. Phil went with her." Charlie told me. I nodded. At least she wasn't here to see the mess I was in.

I let my head fall into my hands. Yes, what a terrible mess I have become. Not even my own father will trust me to be alone. I've put so many people in strife because of my insecurities. But I couldn't let myself think about that right now. Edward was back, and he swore that he would explain himself to me somehow.

"I'm going to take a shower and head off to bed." I'm told them.

"Wait Bella," Jacob said. I turned around before I reached the first step. He was there, right in front of me. His heat radiated off of his body and enclosed me. "Listen Bells....what I said at the prom, I didn't mean to hurt you. I thought I was helping you, in a way....I didn't mean to-"

"Whats done is done, Jake." I cut him off. "I understand."

He opened his mouth to continue, but I was already up the stairs.

I went into my room and grabbed a comfortable pair of pyjama's and headed to the shower.


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: I suddenly remembered ! I know that Bella is already eighteen, and over three years she has to be out of school. But I'm not being logical with this story, so lets just say she still attends Forks High. And there is a second prom that takes place. Oh yeah, and being with Jacob at the prom reminded her of Edward taking her to the prom in Twilight; for anyone who was unfamiliar with that. Well enjoy :D**_

* * *

The hot water wasn't doing anything to shake away my thoughts, so I shut off the faucet and wrapped a thick towel underneath my arms. I stared at myself in the mirror, and didn't like what I staring back at me.

I was letting my negativity get the best of me, and as a result my appearance was getting wearier. I could see light shadows under my eyes, and my cheeks had gotten shallow. Was my skin always so ghastly? I let out a dissatisfied grumble and began to dress myself.

When I stepped out of the bathroom I could hear Charlie's loud snore from downstairs. I decided I was safe enough to avoid being lectured, so I tiptoed down the steps and headed toward the kitchen. How long had it been since I'd eaten? I went straight to the fridge and tried to fish out something that would indulge my empty stomach.

"Hungry?"

"Gahh!" I jumped at the voice. I spun around and saw Jacob leaning against the door frame. I sneered at him and turned back to the fridge. "What are you still doing here?"

"Charlie asked me to keep watch of you. Just in case."

I wasn't really surprised by that fact. It was expected for Charlie to go berserk like this when it came to my sanity. "Does what I have to say matter in this situation?"

I heard him chuckle. "Of course it does. Though I've been given specific orders to disobey your command."

I took out a few eggs and piece of raw steak that was by itself on a plate and placed them on the counter. I got the stove running and began to crack the eggs in a frying pan. "You don't want me near Edward." I guessed.

He didn't answer so I took that as a yes.

"Let me help you." He insisted, and took the steak from the counter and put it in with the eggs.

"You can't avoid the subject, you know. I want to understand why you don't want to be with me, and now that Edward's back, I want to know why you refuse to let me be with him."

"I already told you why I can't be with you." He snapped.

"Because I still love him? Then why can't I see him if you have me locked up in my own house?"

He stopped what he was doing and turned sharply, facing the window. His fists were shaking a little bit, but I could see he was trying to hold back his anger. I couldn't help myself. It was always essential to me that Jacob's pain was mine also, no matter what cruel thing he did. I reached out and touched the back of his hair. It was soft underneath my finger tips.

He turned back to me reluctantly but caught my hand and placed it on his cheek. He closed his eyes as he spoke. "It will hurt me to be with you, Bella. I know you will never let go of what you and the leech had. But now that you know he is back, you'll soon forget all about me. You'll forget what I tried to do for you. To heal you. It was difficult for me to watch you willing to welcome his open arms, after all that he has done to you. Do you see why I can't bare to have him near you?"

I remained silent, thinking about his words. There was only one thing I found troubling. "You think.....I'll forget you?"

He stared intently into my eyes and then nodded. Before I could even contemplate my move I jumped into him, throwing my arms around his neck. I squeezed him so tight, that I had to let him know that he had it completely wrong. So wrong, that it made me angry to hear him say it.

"How could I forget _you,_ Jacob Black?" I whispered into his ear. "You've made such an impact on my life that I would have to die just to forget all of our memories. Not even then would I forget you, Jake. Never doubt that."

He hugged me closer and laughed softly, careful not to wake Charlie. "Well it's nice to know, eh?"

The smell of food made my stomach rumble, making me freeze in embarrassment. Jacob set me back down and turned back to the stove to flip the eggs and steak over to the other side. It sizzled and let off another wave of delicious scent that made my mouth water.

Jacob touched my cheek. "When was the last time you ate?"

I glanced up at him, then quickly back to the food. "Well, uh....I can't remember."

"Bella," He groaned. "What's the matter? Why aren't you eating?"

"I am. It's nothing." I answered quickly, and roughly decided that the food had cooked long enough. I grabbed a plate from a nearby cupboard, and tilted the pan so everything would slip off on to my plate. I used a fork to scrape the remaining egg off. Jacob followed me to the dining table and watched me while I ate. I was too annoyed to acknowledge him, and scoffed down my meal. It was absolutely delectable. I really couldn't believe that food could taste so good. _How long have I been depriving myself of food?_ I wondered.

Jacob looked as though he was trying to figure out a difficult maths problem. I stood up and went over to the sink to wash my dishes, but even when I was done he continued to stare at me.

"What?" I finally demanded.

"I'm just...." He trailed off.

"You're just what?"

"I'm just finally seeing the changes in you, Bella." He let out. His eyes were careful, telling me that he didn't mean to offend me. Instead I was curious.

"Changes?"

He nodded and stood up. It took him three strides to reach me, and when he did, he grasped both my hands in his. "I was simply comparing you to your old self. This for example-" He placed one of my hands on his cheek again. "Your skin is unnaturally cold, and you used to be so warm and vibrant. I miss that about you. It's like you've given up hope altogether, and your body hasn't reacted well. And your eyes," He trailed on, he caught both of my hands in one of his and then lightly stroked the hollow underneath my right eye. "I've seen them like this before, lifeless, no emotion at all. But now that I truly look into your eyes, I see all the pain you are suffering. And it troubles me that the majority of that pain is my responsibility."

I was speechless. What had I become? Everything I worked on; my appearance, my personality, my attitude. I was trying to hide the pain that was rising to the surface but still somehow, it seemed to seep through. My eyes weren't very cooperative, Jacob could tell that I had endured more than I was letting on. But only because I had made such a great deal out of the situation, that really I could've moved on and erased everything that had happened during Edwards presence. I could've chosen to live a perfectly normal life with Jacob, but now that I spent all of my time holding onto Edward, I was too late. The Jacob option no longer existed anymore.

My heart milled painfully as Edward came into my head. He said that he would tell me what I wanted to know, so where was he? Unintentionally I grabbed at my chest where my heart was hurting, as if I could make it stop somehow.

"Bella?" Jake whispered.

"Its nothing!" I hissed automatically. I tried to calm myself by taking in a few breaths. "Sorry. I'm just really tired, Jake. I'll see you tomorrow."

I stretched on my toes so I could peck his cheek and then scampered to the bathroom to brush my teeth, and then jumped into the comfort of my bed.

I knew I wouldn't be able to rest. After tonight's events, it was sure to be impossible to reach sleep. Instead, I let myself think about what happened.

Jacob said he'd give me time to get used to the idea that Edward wasn't coming back, and that once I've finally grasped that concept, then he'd take me. But now that Edward has returned, does that mean Jacob will still want me? If Edward were to leave again, I knew I wouldn't be able to get over him. He was my first love, there was no point in getting rid of my feelings.

I thought Jake would be happy that I was giving myself over to him. I was very willing, and I did it so I could hopefully get over Edward. But Jake saw that the wrong way, in fact, he saw it the total opposite of my intention. He thought that it was better to keep his distance until I had fully gotten over the past. He was an idiot to believe that I had that kind of will power to do so. I might as well just stayed home and suffer with my medication.

But I couldn't let myself think that, because then I would not have seen Edward tonight. I would not have felt that exhilaration and comfort and reassurance the moment I saw him. And that moment of happiness when I was in his arms, was the most lovely experience in over three years. I wouldn't trade that moment for the world. Edward still held my heart. Edward.....

"Ugh!" I groaned out loud. _Why does my heart keep hurting like this? Its ridiculous! _Again my hand clutched my chest. I was crying against my pillow, trying to muffle my sobs against the fabric, so Jacob wouldn't be alarmed.

"I'm sorry." A soft, velvety voice spoke in the depths of the darkness of my room.

I sat up swiftly, wiping the tears away from my face. My eyes scanned around. "Edward?"


	6. Chapter 6

It was quiet. My heart had reacted so rapidly at the sound of his voice. My mind was racing. "Edward?" I whispered desperately again. I had to hear his voice.

And then I caught a glimpse of him. He was backed up into the corner of my room. The moon light shone right through my window, casting across my wooden floor. Edward was situated so the light couldn't touch his skin, but I could see the faint silhouette of his taut body.

I wasn't sure what to do. I was afraid that if I made a move to reach out to him, he would instantly disappear from under my hands. What if he was thirsty? It had been a while since I'd even spoke the word vampire, and my knowledge about them had vaguely slipped away. I remembered the precautions Edward used to take just to be with me, so he wouldn't hurt me. I was always at risk because of his blood lust, but he made sure that I wouldn't be in harms way.

His golden eyes at the prom reminded me that he was not thirsty, so maybe it was safe enough to go to him. I tried to make my body move, but it was stuck in the one position.

"Stay there." He commanded softly.

Was he really thirsty? I didn't question him. I would do anything for him to stay.

I heard him take a deep breath. "Its difficult for me to be here right now, knowing that I've caused your heartbreak. Your house brings back daunting memories that I can't escape anywhere I go. Trust me Bella, I've tried to escape but they just won't let me." His tone was subtle and torn. I really wanted to touch him, but his request had me cowering into the covers. "I can't begin to tell you how remarkably disgusting I feel, and I know you can never forgive me for what I did. I don't ever expect you to forgive me Bella. All I want is for you to understand me."

I nodded feebly.

He sighed. "Do you remember the time I first told you I love you?"

How could I forget that day? It was the most significant day of my life. Edward and I, heading to the clearing to witness him and his family play baseball. He told me we had to run once we got out of Emmett's big jeep, and I was too scared because the way Edward traveled through the woods frightened me. But eventually he managed to convince me, and I climbed onto his back. When we got to our destination, I slipped off his back and landed on the ground. I was so annoyed that I stalked off but he grabbed me by the waist and told me he could never be angry with me, and that he loved me.

"Of course." I told him after a moment of silence.

"Well that word meant so much to me. It was like I was putting everything into that one word; my family, my feelings, my secrets, my life! Everything that ever mattered to me was put into that word, and I gave it to you. I gave everything to you through that, and you took it without any hesitation, which told me that you were the one that had to have my attention. _You_ were the one I was giving my life to. And in return you were making me your everything, which was the biggest mistake you could ever make."

I was having a hard time registering every single word of his, but I managed to blurt out, "How?"

I saw his head fall into his hands. "Because I knew that _I_ was going to make the bigger mistake and hurt you in the end. It was either I stay and let you become a victim of my world, or leave and force you to live your human life without anymore distraction's from me."

"You weren't a distraction." I murmured, hoping he could hear my weak voice. "But I do understand. Both options would have hurt me in the end."

"Yes. That's why I made the decision to leave you, because I thought it was better that you lived happily and humanly without any interference of my kind. I was putting you in constant danger, Bella, even when you didn't even know it. I needed to have you safe, because if you were.....killed, because of what I was-" He broke off, and I could almost feel the anger rolling off in waves in the air. "You could not exist when you were near me Bella, I wanted you to have every single chance at humanity, instead of it being taken away because of me. I thought that if I left you alone, that you'd forget about me. That I was ever in your life."

Again with the forgetting! Why did the two most important people in my life think that I'd forget them so easily? It was silly.

Edward was having a rough time trying to explain himself to me, but all I really needed to know was that he still cared about me. And his reasons told me much more than that. It seemed that he was as miserable as I was. "So let me get this straight. You left me, for me?"

He looked up with agonized eyes that made my heart sink. "It was a effortless attempt, but yes."

"Well that's a relief." I sighed, though my body was aching for him.

He stared at me like I had gone mad. "Excuse me?"

I gazed down at my fingers which were nervously intertwining with eachother. If I told him that I still felt for him, would he think that was also a mistake? I was agruing with myself through the silence that had him staring anxiously at me. I didn't know how to answer his question without sounding like a complete idiot.

I took a deep breath. I refused to look at him. "You see, Edward....over the past three years, I've suffered believing that you didn't love me-" Wait! Love seemed too intimate for this moment. "I mean, care about me. And for some reason, its hurt me to the extent where I didn't care what happened to me. The only things keeping me from....." I couldn't continue. He must be thinking I was a complete lunatic right now. Argh! What was I trying to say?

"Something has changed." He said. I stared up at him, and for some reason he gasped when he looked into my eyes.

"What?" I queried earnestly. He just kept staring at me and I wondered what he was seeing.

And then he sighed. "You've changed drastically Bella. You were never so....frightened of me before."

"What?" I repeated angrily this time. How could I possibly be scared of him? I was so entirely happy that he was even in the same room as me.

I saw him smile, but it was grim. "Your afraid of what I would think of the words that come out of your mouth. Your frightened that I would judge you so harshly on them."

"Oh." Thats what he was getting at.

"Why?" He asked, his tone serious. "Even as I look at your eyes I see changes. Why has my existence put you in such agony I wonder?"

"Because I love you!" I told him furiously. "Why is that so hard for you to understand? It's not like the word meant nothing when I first told you. It meant everything to me too, and I was eager for you to take it!" His face fell ever so slightly, and I regretted ever speaking the words. This was what I was afraid of. That I would hurt him, even when I never meant to. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me, I'm just....scared." I laughed the last word.

"Exactly."

I shook my head. "Thats not what I meant. I'm scared that whatever I say will send you flying back out that window."

He looked at me, still tormented. "I realize what my leaving has put you through, and I.....I'm so sorry Bella. Truly sorry. I know it doesn't have an effect but It doesn't matter. I'm sorry." His head fell into his hands again, and then I heard gentle sobs.

The sound of it made me feel even worse than I already did. Without thinking I slowly got off the bed and walked over to him. My heart was beating almost painfully as my fingers precariously extended towards him and made contact with his soft hair. He looked up with tearless eyes that were so tormented that it killed me.

I smiled at him, trying to make him feel better. Hesitantly, I wrapped one arm around his waist and then the other, keeping my eyes on his. And then I pulled him gently to me.

He was frozen in my arms. I rested my head against his chest and closed my eyes. I suddenly felt whole again. There was no gap in my chest anymore, but I could feel the ghost of it threatening me. If Edward were to decide to leave, there was a good chance that I wouldn't make it through this torture alive. But I wasn't going to think about that now. Edward was here, actually here. My dreams were coming true, and thats all that mattered.

"Bella," He whispered and I felt his arms wrap around me. His cool lips touched my hair and knew then, that I could not live without him this time.


	7. Chapter 7

He held me in his arms for a long while, and I was beginning to think it would never end. But he pulled away so he could look me in the eyes and then smiled.

"It's relief to finally hold you. I can't believe how I ever survived without you." He said and began to lean forward. Without thinking I automatically retreated. What was I doing? Why was this unfamiliar feeling driving me away from his lips? "What's wrong?" He asked, puzzled and a little hurt.

"Nothing." I spoke quickly, which didn't convince him at all. I sighed and told the truth. "I don't know whats wrong with me, but....I'm finding it hard to-"

"Kiss me?" He frowned and gently touched my cheek. "That's not like you at all."

"I think its because....I know your only a memory. I can't shake the thought away, but I know that you're little visit is not permanent." I explained in a feeble voice. "If I kiss you, it will be harder for me to break away when you leave. Which is what I'm trying to prepare myself for."

He sighed one hard frustrated sigh and took my face in his hands. "Isabella Swan. What will it take for you to realize that I am here. It might not mean much now, but I do really love you Bella. So, so much. I can't turn my back on you anymore. I refuse to." He took me in his arms and kissed my head. "I'm here and I love you. I'm not going anywhere anymore, I can't let you live without me. Not now knowing how much you need me, but more importantly, how much I need you."

I tried to focus on him more clearly. I concentrated on the scent of him, the hardness of his granite skin, the coldness of arms around me. It couldn't get any better than this. I sighed, finally letting myself relax in his arms. He seemed to realize this and pulled back to look at me. His eyes were smiling. "Do you understand now? Have I made it clear enough, or do you need a few more hints?"

I couldn't stop the little giggle that escaped my lips. He was leaning forward again but this time, I wasn't hesitant. "Perhaps just one more..." I murmured and quickly closed the distance.

How much of a relief was it to finally have his lips on mine? I had to take advantage of the moment. I stretched on my toes so that I could throw more enthusiasm into the kiss as I could. He hugged me tighter against him and I could feel him smile beneath my eagerness. He stopped but touched his forehead against mine. I ran my fingers through his hair, marveling over the softness.

"Did I ever tell you how much I've missed you?" I laughed softly.

He chuckled and gentle kissed me once. "You don't need to tell me."

All of a sudden I heard a car door close from outside. I looked up at Edward questioningly but he just smiled, so I pulled him over to my window so I could see who it was.

"Mom?" I whispered, pressing my fingers against the cold glass. Phil was with her also. They were holding hands. Why would they be out so late? I glanced over at my alarm clock which read eleven, forty-three.

I wasn't so dumbfounded that I had forgotten Edward could read minds, with the exception of my mentally challenged brain. I turned to him and towed him over to the bed. He placed a gentle hand on my cheek.

"I need some insight here." I told him, my eyes narrowing.

He just rolled his eyes. "I'm not really sure, but judging by Phil's thoughts, he seemed very enthralled to see a family full of unfamiliar but refined faces. Renee somehow heard about our reappearance and came to make amends with us. She's been over at the house with Esme, Carlisle and Alice."

"Alice?" I squeaked. _Alice_. My life long friend. The small pixie-like doll that had a hold of the uncanniest ability to see subjective visions of the future, and the ability to predict the latest fashion trends.

I fell into Edward's hard chest and he wrapped his arms around me. "I really miss her Edward."

He buried his face in my hair. "Of course you would. Do you want to see them?" He asked suddenly.

The excitement that bubbled through me spat through my mouth. "Really? Oh that would be so great! I miss all of them! Emmett! I can't wa-" He cut me off with his lips that were abruptly on mine, and I couldn't help but laugh. He broke off and lightly kissed along my jaw.

He stopped just at my ear. "Well what are we waiting for?" He whispered and then scooped me up in his arms. The motion took the breath out of me, but before I could catch that air, we were outside in the darkness, the cold air whipping past us.

Edward cradled me against him as he darted nimbly through the thick green forest that encroached us. I couldn't see anything but his face. A small smile played along his flawless lips.

Prom had really been the night of my life, even when I wasn't expecting it. Edward was hopefully back in my life for the remainder of my breathing days, and I was eager for that to be for eternity. I closed my eyes, enjoying the moment. It wasn't as frightening as the last time, in fact, I loved it. The speed and the suppleness of his movement was sort of relaxing, in a way.

When I could no longer feel the rushing wind against my skin I opened my eyes to see a familiar huge mansion, that I had once considered my second home. It was exactly the same as it was three years ago. Nothing had changed. Like they hadn't even aborted it in the first place.

Edward came to a slow walk as we neared the house and set me on my feet, only keeping my hand. I looked up at him with a wide grin stretched across my face. He could see that this was what I'd been waiting for. To see my family, and be with Edward once again. He held my face in his hand as we walked up the porch steps, but he didn't even reach the door when suddenly it burst open and a certain little Alice appeared.

She threw her arms around me, completely ignoring Edward, and began sobbing in my shoulder. I hugged her tightly too, letting a few tears escape.

"Alice I've missed you so much!" I cried.

"Oh it's been so long Bella." She blubbered and pulled away to look at me. She touched my check softly and gave me a mischievous grin. "We have a lot of work to catch up on." She laughed, shaking her head slowly.

"I agree." A booming voice came from behind me. I knew it at once and turned around to see Emmett and Rosalie standing in the doorway. I ran into Emmett's open arms and laughed.

"I've missed you too, you big ol' bear."

"How are you, kid?" He asked, ruffling my hair playfully.

"Great, now." I tried to peek around him, and managed to see Rosalie smiling. "Hey Rose."

She nodded. "Hello Bella." I could still see the tension between us, but I knew she wasn't angry to see me.

Edward took my hand and led me into the house. It was nice and warm, and very bright. Everything was positioned exactly the way I remembered it. I couldn't believe how they could manage to keep it so orderly and efficient.

And then I saw Esme and Carlisle appear at the top of the staircase in all their golden perfection. They descended with gracefulness that almost broke my heart to watch. Esme reached me first and grabbed me in a loving hug.

"It's so great to see you Bella. We've missed you so much!" She murmured. She kissed me on the forehead and let Carlisle hug me.

"I hope you've been very fine." Carlisle said as he stepped back with Esme. His eyes flickered to Edward rapidly.

"I've been keeping it together," I told him earnestly. "I can't believe that this is happening, though, I couldn't imagine seeing you all was going to be so, relieving."

"And you _feel_ very relieved." Jasper walked out from the kitchen.

I remembered Jasper and his strict policy of human's keeping there distance. His crazy love for blood had made it difficult for him to join Carlisle's vegetarian family, so he was the least one with tolerance for my blood. I stood in my place, but smiled at him.

"Nice to see you, Jasper."

He nodded, and made his way over to Alice, who was bouncing.

It was quiet as everyone stared at Edward and I. I couldn't help but picture us as a happy family again. Here we were, all together. The only thing holding us back was my incapability to live forever. Even after he left, I still held on to that desire to join his family permanently. I wanted to fit in with his world so I could be with him contentedly, but he refused. He wants me to remain human. That was the part that killed me.

Edward gazed down at me, smiling. I cleared my throat, interrupting the silence. "So, I was just going to ask why my mom was here earlier?"

Esme answered me with a grin. "Actually she was here to talk about you. She thinks our arrival might....um, confuse you a little..."

I raised an eyebrow, glancing at Edward then back to Esme. "Confuse me?"

"Charlie is quite upset with me, Bella." Edward answered me. "He's afraid that I will leave again and hurt you. Renee just wanted to say that she has no problem with us, and that she's glad we have returned."

I blinked a few times. Renee went behind Charlies back so she could secretly see the Cullen's and tell them she wanted to remain friends? The thought made me smile. "Well, that's very nice of her....I think. But Charlie is acting rather bizarrely towards the whole thing. I mean, if Renee can accept it, and myself, then why can't he?"_ And Jacob_, I thought silently to myself.

No one responded. I looked at all their wonderful faces and saw the same expression. Sadness. They knew why Charlie was going to be difficult, but really, it wasn't any of their fault. It was all mine.

I tried desperately to make things right. "I know what you all are thinking," I turned to Edward, and he seemed even more torn up. "The last thing I want is for all of you to feel guilty. Charlie....he doesn't know anything. He's only reacting like this because of the way _I_ handled things. I should've been stronger-"

"Stop." Edward whispered. His voice was broken. He cupped my cheek in his hand. "Don't you dare blame this on yourself. I can't stand it."

"I'm sorry, but you have to understand that what happens to me isn't your fault either. I do admit, that my behavior has driven Charlie to drastic measures, and I'm sure he'll do anything to keep from seeing you. But don't blame this on him, he's only trying to be protect me."

Esme came up to wrap her arms around me. "We have no intention on blaming anyone, especially your father. I guess time will earn his trust back."

_Time_. I could live with that. That meant I had more time with the Cullen's, but more importantly, Edward.

_**There will be more upcoming chapters....just let me think of them first :D. **_


	8. AN Authors Note

**A/N**: I am still thinking of a few ways to continue the story, so I'm gonna take a little break. But please I welcome any new ideas too, so any advice on how to continue this story would be appreciated. Thank you!


End file.
